Friday, December 7, 2012

A friend of mine invited me to pay homage to the new moon. For one night, I let it go. I worshipped and I sang; I danced and I pretended I was a daughter of the moon.

Coming home I was just about completely sober, the wine and weed waring off, and I was feeling awful. I needed to confess, to cry, to ask for forgiveness. So when I came home I collapsed on the floor, weeping before God. You come out of the bedroom and see me. You are concerned and kneel by my side, asking what's wrong.

"I'm an adulteress," I weep. I barely lift my head to you as I speak. Your eyes flare up; pain, anger, and hate fill your mind. You immediately stop touching me. You stand, stare at me kneeling there for a second and finally rage takes control. You kick my face with all your strength. I fly back - my neck, jaw, and teeth broken. I am bleeding, collapsed again. You pick me up and look me in the face. My head rolls so you pin me against the wall. I try to open my eyes and tell you, "Nathan..."

You spit in my face, "Don't talk to me."

I don't know what happens next, but I am unable to tell you that I am an adulteress because I cheated on God, not you. The man I love, who I would not hurt, never learns why I sought confession, why I turned to him for help that night.

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